The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
