Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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