i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
