I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
