I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
