i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
