Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
