the new term for farting is butt boxing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
