Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
