i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
