At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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