i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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