you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
