Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
