Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
