I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
