I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
