Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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