Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yo dont text me then not text me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
