I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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