You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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