I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
