yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
