lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
