She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
