She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
