He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
