I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
