i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the liver wants what the liver wants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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