I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize