He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
time to smoke my breakfast
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
