In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Shame is for Republicans.
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