you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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