Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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