you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
