Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
