i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
