The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
