My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
