Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
