my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
