was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
