omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
