I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
