I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
