it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
