dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
