I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
