Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
