let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
