Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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