they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i drank out of a bidet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
