ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
