Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
