My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
