I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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