btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
