I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
