I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
