I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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