i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
