Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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