I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
