Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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