Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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