he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
