the condom got lost in my hair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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