Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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