I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
