Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Randomize
