Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
