It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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