Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
