I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my poor anus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
