I faked an abortion last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
