Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
